Feeling crippled

The past always plays a part of our future. We can feel the emotion of every motivational quote that says that leaving the past behind and move forward, but those words and pretty pictures will not change the fact that you have a past that makes up everything you are today.

It is true that we shouldn’t allow the past to define our future maybe, but the past is your biggest most formidable tool you have to shape the future, why would you not want to access the true power of that tool? If this tool is missused however, it can be the crippling tool that allows you only to live in the past and that can be oh so detrimental to your future. The past is not something that can be buried, sometimes we think we can will it into submission or possibly forget it, sweep it under a rug or lock it up, but the truth is, we can not. It is the essence of what we are, it is the decisions we make, it is our judgment of others or even ourselves. It is the pathway in the brain that leads to every reaction we have to anything. The cool thing about the past, is it isn’t the future. Just a tool to wield our desires and successes of the future.

The past is a very strong building block. How can we use it to shore up the future? There is so much that we hang onto that we shouldn’t and so much that we should hang onto that we don’t. It is our fears of repeating mistakes and pride in our successes that weaken our ability to see clearly. Everyone has heard the saying that “the grass isn’t always greener” possibly ” everyone has struggles”. It is when we hear these words, we usually react in a manner of disbelief. This reaction is a selfish, self defense thought. Are we to feel sorry for the man with no worries of money? Are we easily drawn to the conclusion that the “perfect family on the corner does not have pain or suffering?”

Why, of course we do! It is only natural, for our own sanity to assume we have it worse and that no one knows how you feel about your defeats, your losses, your struggles. It is a natural chemical reaction in the brain to draw up the pain from past challenges. It is an animal instinct. Our brains are gentically designed to remember the emotion and sensation of everything we experience.These are the eletronic notes that we refer to the next time something makes us feel them again. As a matter of fact, they are the reason you feel them again. They are the past, electronically etched into live tissue. They are ready at all times to react to pain, loss, dissapointment, sadness. But hey, they are also at the ready everytime we feel joy, surprise, happiness, pride, contentment, humility, comfort, pleasure and elation.

The question is now, why is it so easy to access sadness, dispair, anger, loss, disappoinment more so than joy and elation? Well, it’s because we more often access our emotion tied to embarresment. We don’t want others to know of our mistakes and bad choices, so we build a pathway in the brain directly to the negative sensation of dishonesty. Yep, I am calling hiding our past a dishonest act. It’s not the fact that we don’t share it with others, it’s the reality that we don’t share it with ourselves. We don’t appreciate every mistake and blunder that we’ve made for what it is…. we tuck it away in a corner, electronically live wired into a corner,ready to shed doubt on any thought that passes by. ZING!. We feel all the emotions tied to that thing from the past, sadness, shame, whatever it was. Then we dig that deeper hole and the electronic field, well it gets bigger, easier to come in connect with. Damn it!

Now realize, I’m speaking in fairly lamen terms, I’m using words that evoke an emotion I would like to tie to this post. the technically anotomical and physiological description would drive us all to drinking, but in a SENSE, this works.

What emotion did you feel when I called us all dishonest? Did you get defensive? Did you feel like withdrawing or possibly feel aggresive? Did you agree with me and think to yourself that yes, you know people just like that? Did you feel shame? Whatever thought you had was derived from the corner you pack all your hidden past in. That is the nature of the brain. The coolest thing about all of this, is becoming cognizant of the reactions we have to what happens around us, the people around us! By being aware and then focusing on what brought on the emotion attached to it, we can then attach it to something from our past! THEN, if that isn’t exciting enough, we can look at what the past shows us and we can now start to appreciate the role it plays, the opportunity for growth it offers and we can consciously use it as a stepping stone for the future! This is very exciting! Just understanding that we can change the pathway and embrace our past to evolve into a better place and happier place in the future! Can we attach positive emotions to the things we have buried from our past? Yes! Embrace and love everything from the past, because it is these experiences that provide the foundation and powerful beauty that lies ahead.

Have a beautiful day and embrace yourself as you are.

Nikki

Trust the work

Yoga isn’t the only thing that can bring life into focus. As a matter of fact, yoga can’t do anything unless you surrender yourself to the work. Unless you surrender yourself to trusiting the feelings you get with your practice, just as it is with practicing anything in life.

What do you practice everyday that brings your life into focus. If you can’t think of anything, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your time. Do you think you don’t have the time? Is your schedule so full that you think you can’t fit one more thing in? When I mention the idea of adding something valuable for your wellbeing to your schedule, does the thought occur “yeah, right, like I can add something else to my schedule, right, I can take time for me everyday, Ha!” or ” It’s a novel Idea, but the reality is, it isn’t going to happen, I’m to busy doing what has to be done!”

I am going to ask you to take a normal busy day, and try some exercises throughout the day. If you have to write yourself notes and leave them everywhere you go throughout your day as a reminder, that may be the thing that helps you. Maybe set reminders on your phone. Maybe get creative with a way to remind yourself, because I’m telling you, in the beginning of creating the right process and time for your own health and well being, isn’t as easy to remember as onemight think. Over time, yes, but not at first. Find what kind of reminding system works for you and for 1 day, get though this challenge I bring to you.

Our goal here is to remove negative thoughts and/or behaviors that waste time that could be spent creating your true capacity of happiness and wellness. What if you could get to the end of each day accomplishing all of your tasks set before you and feel refreshed and successful instead of exhausted and possible frustrated?

I challenge you, just for a day to take a moment every hour, you can be driving, walking, running, working, watching your childs game, doing the dishes, taking a shower or even sitting on the toilet. Whatever it is, the task doesn’t matter. What matters is to check in with your thoughts. Where are they? Are they on the task at hand? Are you regretting something? Are you thinking about someone else, somewhere else? Check in with your thoughts. Once you check in, ask yourself if this thought process is working for you. Is this a negative or possitive thought? Is what your thinking helping or hindering your emotional state? Is it reducing or increasing stress? Then, just for a moment, think of what you want. Think of a favorite quote, think of something beautiful, think of something funny, think of someone who has influenced you to be better, maybe just focus on the task at hand and bring your breath and full attention to it. Then move on…. Check in again during the next hour. Once your day has finished, check in with yourself when you go to bed. Pay attention to how you feel, how your body feels, how your heart feels. Then start again the next day.

This may sound small and insignificant but this is where TRUST comes into play. Trust the work. Trust that with patience, the significant results will happen over time and may not be the 1st day or even the 1st week. But I promise, if you trust this simple work that you will reap the rewards. Our society makes it easy to put away our needs and stable supports of self. The pressures we bow to are seemingly innocent and worm their way into our thoughts, our actions and our days. They come and go, the days, and somehow another year has passed and we have missed the simple pleasures of time. Be responsible to yourself 1st and your abilities to your tasks and to others with grow expenetially.

Start with this one small challenge. Let the evolution of your growth be the motivator for the next challenge. Get strong and able with the task of changing and guiding your thoughts to better your day and so much around you will seem easier and more usefull. Your ability to perform will increase. Your body will start dealing with stress better, your heart will find more joy and more beauty in the world around you. Trust the work. Trust that the evolution will happen. Learn patience and self love through the process.

Only after injecting these possitive or beautiful thoughts into your day, will you discover how much time you really have. we feel like our days are not our own to control, that our tasks control our time. But, trust the work. Shift your thoughts, one at a time. Find your own way. Listen to yourself and the cues you receive. Be cognizant of yourself, your thoughts, your actions. This doesn’t mean that every day will be stress free, pain free or struggle free. It just gives you the tools to see more of what’s happening and more options to make it better, or even just the patience to make it through having survived the freaking day!

Set your intent and be attentive. For now, try for once an hour, find a reminder system that works for you. Soon , “you can work your way to the grill”(meaning, you will start being able to be cognizant more often, with less effort) “and that’s when the big bucks start rollin in” (meaning that you will reap more rewards more often). I am also glad that I could work a movie quote from Coming to America into my Blog….

If you get a chance during your trust the work exercise, check in with me. Check in here and let me know how you are doing, let me know if you need suggestions or if you have any, it would be great to collaborate!

be cognizant and find your thoughts with you.

Have a beautiful day!

Nikki

#healthandwellness #bewell #cognizantreconstruction #trustthework #findyou #retreat #itistime

Anticipation

I find when I begin a new habit or behavior, I instantly know if it will be a crucial part of my routine and something that will keep me moving forward. As with many activities we start, there is the excitement of finding something that brings us joy, or energy, sparks our creativity or possibly relieves pain, helps us move better, feel better.

I believe the tendency is to replace something else in our schedule to be able to do this activity. We make it a part of our day or our week or possibly monthly. We add book club, its fun to feel the need to read and hook up with friends right? We start a new work out or fitness program, we initiate new habits with our eating, we start something that seems to make a difference.

GIVING WAY

After awhile, the tendency is to have some of those things we gave up or rescheduled, start hanging over our head. We maybe start replacing our new habit with an old one. We have our kids or spouses needs and schedules start wrecking havoc on our own. We justify our decision to pause in our own movement forward to accommodate others. This is our excuse. There are thousands of reasons to stop working on our selves and focus on the stagnate past behaviors we had shed just weeks or months ago. But no matter the excuse we tell ourselves, it we are honest with ourselves, it is always coupled with fear.

FEAR

Fear of disappointment, failure, what others will think of us or maybe if we give up time with the kids to take care of ourselves. We justify our choices pretending that we are selfish if we keep up the good work. We justify quitting with the fact that others need us and we must provide. HOW DO WE RECOGNIZE WHAT IS RIDDLED WITH FEAR. There are many ways to talk yourself out of success, how do we change our own mind and talk ourselves INTO success? How much energy will it take to retrain your mind to accept the truth, acknowledge it, possibly appreciate it and move on. What are the steps? The first step for any process should be to recognize and accept what we fear about taking care of ourselves. Accept that we are afraid and maybe discover what we are afraid of. This may sound simple as you read my abbreviated log if this 1st step, and it is. But it is as complex as it is simple. As you recognize your behavior starting to change, as you begin the conversation of self doubt in your head, this is the moment to remind yourself of the success that you have had with the new behavior. Do you walk taller, smile bigger, sleep better, have compassion and forgiveness for others? As you notice the changes emotionally and mentally, do you begin to feel a bit disarmed? You have the desire to change, the desire for certain goals, but as they begin to happen, what thoughts are fighting against your success in your own head? And what if on top of these thoughts, are you not reaching your goal? If this process of reaching your goals feels like it’s not working, what are your thoughts telling you now? At this point, most people give up. They think that the process or the diet or the workout program are failing them. What is failing usually is you. You are allowing fear to talk you into not supporting yourself like you deserve to be supported. Maybe you feel like your family or friends aren’t supporting your process, and the truth is, there may not be clear communications of what you are trying to achieve, they may be seeing changes in you that they don’t understand because it hasn’t been explained to them. Perspective is a powerful ally, or it can wreck havoc like an enemy. Perspective of a specific situation is the power to make it as it should be, and with understanding from not just those around you, but also yourself. We all have projects and desires, but we have to give ourselves the tools to achieve them.

PERSPECTIVE

I believe that once you have acknowledged your fears of failure, you can achieve an evolution in your perspective to change the way you think about your goals.

By including the people in your daily life, you can help them understand what you want out of life and they can better understand your behaviors and words and changes.

With these two perspectives, you can be more open about your goals, your successes, your failures and because you have chosen to share this journey with others, you can now listen to ideas or suggestions that may very well assist you in your journey. The ones around us ultimately want us to succeed, even though it may be a struggle at times, they genuinely want to be apart of the journey. On top of all of that, if they aren’t aware of the whys and hows of your journey, you may end up alienating them and leaving them behind. This perspective might me very harmful to your success and any support they may have to offer.

What I am getting at is that to achieve something might take a little revamping on your part, you need to open yourself to the world, open yourself to others, human thought is an unmeasurable wealth, the more you listen, the more you learn, the more you will have the capacity to become the person you want to be.

Gaining a new perspective on why we sabotage ourselves, why we try so many things that we don’t know much about but they have worked for others, and why we fail can be used as the catalyst that will propel you in the proper direction. Trust. Trust yourself to learn, trust yourself to grow and trust that those around you want you to succeed. Start with Trust. Trust yourself today.

Quote of the day:

“What you are afraid of is a clear indication of the next thing you need to do.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

How to move forward while Retreating…

I focus much of my time moving forward. Being stagnate in movement, creates a frozen place in life, being stagnate in life creates a frozen place in movement. It takes awhile to accept that a forward motion in any aspect of your life, creates forward motion in all aspects of your life. Let’s say I do yoga this morning, I then have increased circulation and warm fluid movement of muscles for the entire day. I also have a grounded sense of happiness. My mind is clear and I can focus on many tasks throughout my day. I have a deep sense of accomplishment and this bleeds over into my ability to accomplish things that are actually important to my growth and not just daily requirements to reach the end of the day.

A kind word

One of the most effective ways to achieve happiness and forward motion each day it to say a kind word to a stranger. You may ask how this effects forward motion? If I have a goal to acknowledge a stranger today, I am walking around in my daily routine with my head up, a smile on my face, I have a purpose. As soon as I have contact with the eyes of a stranger, I smile and say hello. Simple. At that time, I actually stand up taller, may even have a bounce in my step and low and behold, someone else is eager for a greeting. My heart feels happy, my burdens feel light. Not to mention what it does for the other person. Yes, I do this for my own feel goods, but what if they feel lighter and happier? What if they greet someone else along the way and brighten their day, EVEN BETTER, right? It is a very small goal, that is easy to achieve, but can have a gigantic impact on others around us as well as ourselves. So, no matter the burdens I may feel that could make me stagnate and feel helpless, I have these moments that take me to a better place. This is by far, the one goal I make sure to achieve every day.

Forward is sometimes backwards so call “Uncle”

There are times, when in one corner of my world, I feel fear or anger or regret. These are 3 of the most common emotions that create a stagnant lull in our journey. If we are struggling with a specific relationship, a disability, a regret from the past, these can hold us down like a big brother torture session. You know, you caught him with his girlfriend on the couch and threaten to tell mom, he chases after you, pins you to the floor and tells you to say “Uncle”. Of course you fight back and refuse to say “Uncle”! I mean, why should you give in. Why does he get his way. But alas, you cave. You say “UNCLE”! He releases you. He lets you up and threatens to do it again if you tell. You feel defeated for a moment until you realize your alive, your breathing, your not trapped anymore. And mom will be home soon and you are still going to tell her. Uncle is an easy word to say. Was it really necessary to fight? Why? Ego? Defiance? Screw that. Look back at the experience and have faith that in the future, he will still let you up when you say “Uncle”. and know that by retreating, you are moving forward, more comfortably, mind you.

So, can you be cognizant of the things that enter your mind that might need to go so that you can move forward? Forward out of the discomfort or negativity? Can you go back to the memory of regret, decision making moment, heartache, sadness, disappointment? Can you objectively think of forgiving yourself for maybe nothing more than hanging on to that emotion? Of course you can! Cry “Uncle”, get yourself out of the discomfort, take a deep breath and by God, let it go. Find something to smile about, and maybe even realize the comfort of forgiveness and make a memory of that feeling. Move on from there. It’s true, these thoughts may still pop into your head in the future, but as you practice letting go, as with practicing anything, you will get better at it.

“A man who is the master of himself can end sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure.”

Oscar Wilde, A picture of Dorian Grey

So much to learn

When we start on a physical training and diet plan, what thoughts go through your mind? Do any of the following sound familiar?

  • I need to loose weight fast
  • I want to look better
  • I want to feel better
  • my doctor told me too
  • I just don’t want to be fat anymore
  • I want to do activities I used to do

When it comes to a diet, do you always turn to the latest and greatest diet that has helped others? Do you turn back to diets from the past that worked for people? Do you think you know enough about nutrition that you can trust the old adage of “burn more that you eat” ? Do you think you know enough to eat a balanced diet and give your body what you need?

With so many options and advertisements, and data that proves this or that, it’s hard to think that ONE of these won’t work for you. It’s hard to put a little more thought into your needs when you are bombarded with professionals telling you what you need and what will work, this without ever meeting you. Without ever finding your health history, without knowing your current diet and exercise regimen. Let me 1st take a moment and mention something you might find mind blowing. If you aren’t currently taking part or partial part of some fad diet. YOU are still on a diet. As a matter of fact the term “on a diet” is a very misleading term. You are on a diet, your diet. A diet isn’t some gimmick that is different from what your eating now. Diet is a term that refers to the calories and nutrition that is given the body through the mouth and digested. Your diet is what you feed your body for fuel. So even though you aren’t on some other diet, you are living on your diet. If you are always looking for another diet, you will probably fail in reaching what ever goal you are trying to reach by changing to a single form diet. When you follow a specific diet, designed by someone else, it may work temporarily for SOME people. If this diet fails you, the fact that it isn’t the right diet for you may play a large factor.

Do you think that a diet plays a big part in achieving any of the goals above? Do you think that exercise plays a big factor in achieving the goals above? Well, you are partially right. You are right about exercise and diet. You may be way off base in your approach.

For 17 years I have worked with folks that have very generalized goals like the ones above. Making generalizations is a key to failure, at least in your own eyes, because you didn’t reach your [probably very specific goal i.e., 135lbs, or working out every day] to achieve a very general, vague goal. We as humans have become very successful at failing. We are always looking forward for an answer that feels easy. We avoid conflict, especially within ourselves, by always making plans, trying someone else’s plan, and before you can even take the time to work on these, you are accepting your future failure and trying to find the new thing that for sure will work for you, right?

So bear with me for a moment [ you may be finding out that my moments are fairly involved and longer than you would imagine]. What if your body was designed for survival? What if your body has been through different physical, mental and emotional trauma that differs from someone else? What if the diet you were raised on, wasn’t the diet that provided optimal health? What if you struggle with genetic issues that have effected your health? What if you suffer from extreme stress and possibly depression? These are the tools YOUR body has had to work with throughout your life. The human body is a chemical machine, driven by hormones, designed to compensate for just about anything, just to achieve survival. Survival, mind you, isn’t optimal health, it’s just what will get you through the next day, the next week, the next month, the next year. The body depends on equilibrium, breathing, a beating heart to survive. It will alter what ever it has to at the moment to survive that moment. It is soooooo amazing! The down side is that compensation, over time creates it’s own issues, as as the body continues to compensate, we realize that our health is declining, our muscles hurt every day, our headaches are getting worse, our ability to compensate begins to slow and the stress on the body, mind and emotions can become so intense!

What I would like to suggest is to give yourself a break from looking for a solution. I would ask that you show a little gratitude to this amazing body of yours that has survived. Be grateful for your life experiences. Because when you do, when you embrace what you have been through and what you have survived, it brings your mind to the right place. Understanding and loving what your body has done for you, is the 1st step. The next step is to embrace the opportunity to work backwards. Only then, when we unwind and un train the body, can we allow it to find a path of comfort and progression.

“The wise learn from Adversity; the foolish merely repeat it. ”

Anonymous

Let us be wise today!

Do you have a motivational quote you would like to share? Always feel free to share in the comments. I will add your quote to the quote page!